WALT: use Impact
Success critea:
Similes
Descriptive verbs
Adjectives
Verbs
Conjunctions
Adverbs
Description:we have been writing about if we were a ball would we like it or not.my ball doesn't mind it I guess.
My planning
Here's my draft
Here is my writting
Big idea:I looked ino the distance. Big people with mask's on are they even mask's? I'm freaken out.Damn how much do you weigh?yuck do you clean your arm pits because they STINK jeuz! Ahhahha yehe it feels like a roller coaster. YEEEEEEEEE touch down every body was screaming. I'm famous maybe it's not so bad being a American football. The end
By Eli
You captured the internal thoughts of your main character (the football) well Eli. I can tell that onomatopoeia is a strong language feature for you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you were to go back and add more impact what sorts of words you would use? Perhaps some adjectives for the reader to build a picture in their heads of what American football looks and feels like.
You seem to have forgotten to get feedback/ feedforward from a critical friend. This is an important part of the process Eli. Make sure you follow the successful post criteria in future posts.
ReplyDelete