Wednesday 23 March 2016

What goes on behind the gates of El Rancho

Description:the reason why I choose this peice of writing to do was because I like to entertain people and if you want to find out who the mystery farter is read the rest of my story. And find out what goes on behind the gates of camp El Rancho.


Draft-photos:



 







My story

CAMP! Ok so hi my name is Eli. It's 12:00 on the dot and I swear a rifle just got shot through our window!! Ok it wasn't a rifle, it was not me I swear!! Who let one rip? Was it you Cohen (tear gas)? Was it you max (machine gun?Logan (killer) was it you? “No” he is the only one awake. It's a mystery! Who was it? It's silent then brrrrrr! wow they are slow but loud and proud, it was not anyone below me. It must be max, or hunter it was not me! So who was it? Max or hunter? Max is the machine gun, hunter is the grenade. Who is the worst cause they stink geez! Well machine guns keep shooting for a while so max may be the one…



So in morning I tell max and hunter what happened but before I can say “ max” brrrrrr!! Hunter let one rip! It was absolutely disgusting! “At least hunter admits” that one was me but last nigh “brrrrrrrr” Max's pops one out before hunter can finish! 



Night says hunter then  “brrrrrrrr” there goes hunter again I say. It Carries on and on and on and on until it finally stopped! Then I decided to do some investigating/science. Then I realised, fart smell rises to the ceiling so …



Later that night I remembered Jack was in our cabin! He must be the mystery farter! 



The next morning I hit Jack up asking questions the he finally admits it! Yay we found the mystery farter! Punishment time! Do you have any suggestions “I ask him”? No he says,how about we chuck you in that poo. I say while pointing at a whole pile of poo!! “No he says no no no” oh what then I ask before I can give me an idea. I got one!!!! Instead of smelly your own gas you clean the toilets and smell other people's gas!!! Hehehehehe 


Feedback-feedfoward: I liked your story its really funny but the ending is werid. Tom

Evaluation: I liked how I entertained very well and made it funny but it got a bit boring after a while.

2 comments:

  1. Eli, I like the humor of your story. Next time you could work on using some similes throughout your work to help add description. For example: the fart smelt as bad as a cracked rotten egg.
    Well done :) Amber

    ReplyDelete
  2. Eli, I like the humor of your story. Next time you could work on using some similes throughout your work to help add description. For example: the fart smelt as bad as a cracked rotten egg.
    Well done :) Amber

    ReplyDelete