Monday 15 June 2015

Writting

WALT: use Impact 

Success critea:
Similes 
Descriptive verbs
Adjectives 
Verbs
Conjunctions 
Adverbs 


Description:we have been writing about if we were a ball would we like it or not.my ball doesn't  mind it I guess.

My planning 

Here's my draft 
 

Here is my writting 

   Big idea:I looked ino the distance. Big people with mask's on are they even mask's? I'm freaken out.Damn how much do you weigh?yuck do you clean your arm pits because they STINK jeuz! Ahhahha yehe it feels like a roller coaster. YEEEEEEEEE touch down every body was screaming. I'm famous maybe it's not so bad being a American football. The end 

By Eli

2 comments:

  1. You captured the internal thoughts of your main character (the football) well Eli. I can tell that onomatopoeia is a strong language feature for you.

    I wonder if you were to go back and add more impact what sorts of words you would use? Perhaps some adjectives for the reader to build a picture in their heads of what American football looks and feels like.

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  2. You seem to have forgotten to get feedback/ feedforward from a critical friend. This is an important part of the process Eli. Make sure you follow the successful post criteria in future posts.

    ReplyDelete