Monday, 16 June 2014

writing sample

WALT: inform

DESCRIPTION: Write an explanation about something you have learned about energy.

This is my first draft 

This is my second draft

Everything in the world is made out of atoms. What does the three states of matter mean? Ice is a solid and when you hold it it turns into a liquid because the energy flows inside and atoms separate. Liquids are oil and water and stuff like that. Gas is like steam air/atoms. Gas is basically air because you can't see it and you breath it.

Evaluation next time I'm going to listen to Cam'Ryn

Buddy feedback: you need to put the WALT at the top and the discription is too short. You need to make it longer Cam'Ryn

Ebony's feedback: I think you did a good job explaining the difference between all the states of matter. I like how you ask questions in your writing. It helps he reader to connect with what you are telling them.

Next time you could aim to add more detail to your writing. You might do this with complex sentences. Also I think you could work on a detailed diagram. This one seams a bit basic and I think you could do better.

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